The Wife That I Didn’t Want (Warning: Restaurant Post)


(Disclaimer: This is potentially offensive. I mean it all in good fun. I hope we can all still be friends afterwords.)

If you are anything like me, you can’t stand it when people mush on their significant other over the internet. You find it nauseating, mostly pathetic, and a waste of everyones time.

Is it ever ok? Yes, probably about twice a year.  Birthdays require the mandatory “Happy Birthday Babe!”– maybe an anniversary mush is allowable, but three times is the absolute limit. THAT’S IT.


Maybe I’m too insecure or maybe I can just see through the boloney.

I believe the real reasons people mush online are typically the following:

1. Public self-mutilation in order to make up for a mistake

2. Trying to “make the world jealous of your love” (It doesn’t work)

I believe the affect of those messages is the following:

1. They prove just how obnoxious you are.

2. They broadcast to the world how unquestionably fake your relationship is.

The worst part about these messages is that they offer no reason as to why a person’s “snookums” is the “most fantabulous cherry-berry” man or woman on the planet.

I’m not going to do that. I’m going to do the exact opposite.


Amanda is the wife that I didn’t want. She isn’t a life-size cutout. She isn’t a facebook mush-worthy person either. She is better than that, and she deserves more. She deserves cold hard facts. Here are three:

  1. Amanda works hard. Maybe you’ve heard of the Proverbs 31 woman. About the only thing the Proverbs 31 woman doesn’t do is sleep. She doesn’t have time for it. Amanda is the same way. She works 40 plus hours a week, makes the income, goes to school, cooks, and has to re-clean because I obviously have no idea what what I am doing.
  2. Amanda knows what I want better than I do. For my Birthday my wife gave me the five best gifts ever. She took me camping, bought me the Barnes & Noble 2011 Desk Diary, took me to see the Cormac McCarthy Archives at Texas State, helped me put together a space to write, and did it all dirt cheap. I didn’t ask for any of that.
  3. Amanda helps me believe the Gospel. She takes my argumentative expectations, puts them in a vice, churns them up, bakes them in an oven, and then gives me a new perspective. She challenges my critique of the Gospel and doesn’t let me get away with a one-sided perspective. Amanda does the best thing for me– she tells me when I’m wrong. I can say in full confidence that Amanda is the greatest living evidence of the Gospel in my life. In the words of Cormac McCarthy, “If [she] is not the word of God God never spoke.”

QOL: human


One Trackback

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: